I am sure that the Order does not particularly care about hearing of my married bliss, but that is not my concern for now. If they require a report I will simply not send them these pages. These are my private notes and who knows…maybe one day a brave adventurer will find them next to my corpse somewhere.
It is actually very rare that I even find the time to write, considering that Aaron and me spend all our time together.
I immediately knew that I was with child the first time I was hit with morning sickness. Knowing what Aaron and me had been doing all the time, what else could it have been.
This was also the time I truly learned to appreciate mages. I had never been as wary of them as most that are born in Ferelden, but I still had my doubts. But when Aaron’s healing magic cleared away all of my morning sickness before it had even fully hit I was convinced.
Time moves quickly and it wasn’t long before my belly started to show. But my pregnancy wasn’t the only thing that became apparent. Things had been going far too well and Dragon Valley was a much too nice town. I knew from the start that something had to be wrong.
The dark secret of Dragon valley revealed itself on the night of the full moon. The dead started to rise and walk the earth. I had of course heard of such things before, after all who doesn’t know the story about how the hero of Ferelden saved Redcliffe from the dead, but I never though I’d see such things for myself.
Lucky for us the dead seemed to have no interest in coming into our home.
Still I needed to talk about this to my husband. While I was worried sick he was completely unfazed by the happenings. As he explained to me the dead had been walking in Dragon Valley for a long time. The town’s citizens had completely adapted to it and as long as one didn’t go out during the full moon it was completely save. I wasn’t convinced and when I proposed to have my Grey Warden contacts look into it Aaron just brushed me of.
His dismissal of my concerns wasn’t the only thing that was driving me stir crazy. Since Aaron was working a lot and spent most of his day at the shop I was home alone with the housework, breaking kitchen sinks and my raging pregnancy mood swings.
The only thing that gave me a little relief during this time was drawing. I spent a lot of my time picturing Andraste and remembering her deeds, feeling a certain kinship to her. She had a gigantic task and at present I felt that I had too. She had done what she had set out to do, I wasn’t so sure of myself.
It was probably a combination of my self doubts and pregnancy mood swings that caused what happened then. It could have been harmless really, but the wrong things got said and then suddenly it wasn’t harmless anymore. But I get ahead of myself.
It all started when I looked out of the window and saw Aaron talking to Siobahn Murphy. He had freely told me that they had been lovers in the past and that he had broken up the relationship when he met me. But I started to wonder…
…if he broke up with her for me, couldn’t it be the other way around too. In my doubtful state I simply chose the wrong words. I was too harsh, too accusing and tempers flared. In the beginning Aaron tried to reason with me, but I fear that I wasn’t very receptive towards his logic.
I really can’t fault Aaron. He tried everything. After words had failed he even stayed home from work and literally did every single chore around the house. It didn’t help.
All the tension in the house caused me to go into labour all too soon.
But finally holding my little baby girl in my arms was worth all the pain. Since I had vowed to name my children after the great heroes of our time and their companions I named my firstborn Arianni. Her namesake might not have been the greatest heroine of her time, but she did meet the Champion and she was a passionate mother, which is a worthwhile trait considering what I plan on achieving.
To my surprise the contractions didn’t stop after the first birth. It didn’t take long until I held the reason in my arms. My second-born, another little girl, whom I named Athenril. Her namesake can’t really be called a hero, but she was important in the grand scheme of things. Who knows what might have gone differently had she not been the one to help the Champion get into Kirkwall.
I found great happiness in my two little girls, but things between my husband and me still hadn’t improved. Aaron had taken to sleeping on the couch, since the bed just seemed too confined with the two of us in it.
It wasn’t that long afterwards that a raven brought me a letter that was both relief and burden for me. The Order required me to go to Orlais in order to investigate a possible entrance into the Deep Roads. As far as I could tell things seemed to have quieted down a bit there, at least there were no special mentions on the raging war.
Like I said I was relieved to finally get a chance to go out and do what Wardens do best. I have had very little chance to fight against darkspawn in the past, but I felt a deep longing to prove my worth as a Warden. And getting away from my strained marriage also seemed tempting.
On the other hand I did fear what additional damage my absence would cause. But it couldn’t be helped. My own opinion mattered little when I was called upon to fulfill my duty.
Aaron was neither happy, nor did he truly understand why I had to go. There had never been Wardens or a Blight in Dragon Valley before, so he simply couldn’t understand why it mattered.
Parting on bad terms soured my trip to Orlais but once I arrived the charming Orlesian countryside lifted my mood considerably.
The Order had given me a contact that would give me all the information that I needed, once I arrived.
What they hadn’t prepared me for though was actually meeting the man. Andre Lefebvre was Orlesian to the bone. Beautiful features, refined speech, wit and intelligence. He wasn’t a Grey Warden, but had close ties to the Order since his brother had joined. He knew what we were about and he understood our importance.
When I had met my husband I had believed him to be the man of my dreams and us a perfect match, but Andre taught me otherwise. There was magic between us, a pull we simply couldn’t resist.
Maybe it would have been different if Aaron and me hadn’t fought before I left, but as it was Andre swept me off my feet. And to be honest I wasn’t the only one who was completely overwhelmed by this, Andre too was married after all.
Fortunately Andre was not only interested in romancing me, but also in helping me explore the supposed entry into the Deep Roads. He provided extensive maps of the area, so it didn’t take me long to find where I needed to go. As it turned out the rumors had been false. I found lots of dust, stone and even a treasure chest or two, but not even the slightest trace of Darkspawn.
Having assured that the village was safe meant that my task was complete and it would soon be time to leave. I was happy to get back to my girls, but when I thought about my husband dread settled in my stomach.
Stalling my departure for one more evening I went to the tavern. Andre accompanied me of course. We started with expensive Orlesian wine to celebrate, but quickly moved to cheeper Fereldan brews and then…
…completely away from the tavern.
When I awoke next to Andre in the morning I was completely torn. I felt happier than with Aaron, something I hadn’t believed possible because I thought things were perfect between us. But I also felt bad for having betrayed my husband so.
It was with a heavy heart that I went back home.
And my heart grew even heavier when the morning sickness started.
I, the one who had accused my husband of cheating, while he had probably only talked, had actually cheated. And to top it off was now with child. I knew that there was no way to hide this from Aaron, so I tried to explain.
It didn’t go well, something I had expected from the start. I couldn’t even blame Aaron for his reaction. It was my own fault after all.
So when he announced that our marriage was finished and that he would go to the Arl to get it annulled I didn’t even try to stop him. I just let him walk out the door.
tbc…
The Grey Warden Legacy 